"I called you guys in for reinforcement. I spent too much time on the golf course this week to prepare a sermon. The big guy and the elephant will warm them up a bit, while the clown, well, you distract them while I slip away after the announcements."

Chris Lampman
Lexington Baptist Church
Lexington, SC

"No one seemed to notice the clowns, strong men, and elephants in the room at my old job, so I put in my resume here."

"Anyone care to name the elephant in the room?"

Chris Freeland
Fellowship Bible Church North
Plano, TX

What do you mean if the sermon gets too boring, you'll jazz things up a bit? Stop clowning with me!

Jeff Harmon
Summit View Church of the Nazarene
Kansas City, MO

Looking back on it, it was probably Pastor Bill's choice of guest preachers that cost him his job.

"We like your preaching, Pastor, but the service just isn't fun enough to meet our needs."

Why it's important to use discernment when picking a new campus.

Bryan Neisteter
Cornerstone Ministries Church
Crystal City, MB, Canada

"Sure Bozo, I can baptize your friend Strong Man into our fellowship here at Fourth Baptist . . . but my back is telling me that pachyderm is a Presbyterian."

"Why'd I invite the elephant and the strong man here? Because you clowns treat Christ's church like a circus, that's why!"

Probably a little harsh, but hardly disputable.

Sheerahkahn

P.T. Barnum has an epiphany, realizing he's in the wrong profession.

I'm sorry that we seem to be double-booked fellas, but I booked this tent in Outlook weeks ago - you think there's a server issue?

Pastor Bill realizes that the Big Tent Rental Company really wasn't focused on serving the Revival industry.

No, this is a revival. I think you want the tent down the street.

Guys, the senior adults are complaining that our new worship format is nothing more than a three-ring circus.

dave eirne, Tahoe Fellowship, Alice Tx.

I'm sorry, but we already have a worship arts committee.

So how come only the elephant remembers what I said in last week's sermon.

Paul Servini
Eglise Protestante Evangélique
Dole
France

I give up. This church has turned into a circus!

Sam Andress
Pasadena, CA
Mountainside Communion

"What do you mean, how did we get here? We just followed the sawdust trail."

"When I compared the diversity of our church to the kind of diversity you can find in a circus I did not expect you to take me literally"

Carl Holmes
New Life Church
Colorado Springs, CO

What God hath joined together let no man put asunder.

Muttering to self: what do we have to lose? It can't hurt. It might help.

Thanks for the visual, guys. I get it now. The perfect pastor is strong, funny, and Republican.

"I know he plays a mean trumpet, but he still can't join the praise team!"

Kathy Wynveen
Living Hope Bible Church
Oostburg, WI

It all started with coffee and donuts in Sunday School, and now ...
Bill Berry
Calvary Baptist Church
Hazen, AR

Pastor Bill tried to hide his disappointment at the quality of Associate Pastor applicants.

Membership? I don't think so; we don't aprove of men in make up, or half naked hunks. The elephant can stay though, it might turn out useful in the next election fund raiser.

Sorry, guys...We thought "Ringling Brothers" was a hand-bell choir!

You guys have done a wonderful job leading worship for the last 3 months but it's time for a change. We're going with something less traditional.

Alright now, you tell the jokes at the beginning of the message, the big guy takes up the offering, and the elephant in the room, we ignore.

"So, let me get this right - you guys want to leave one circus to join another"

A clown, elephant, and strong man walk into a tent meeting and the preacher says, "What is this, some sort of joke?"

Ride in the "circus?" I thought you wanted me to ride the "circuit!"

So, you all want me to take my show elsewhere, huh?

I said read the latest from Barna, not Barnum!

"When I said the Deacon board was turning into a circus, it was a metaphor. A metaphor!"

Ryan Smith
Grace Church
White Center, WA

Did you bring your own power point or do we need to take care of that?

Cindy Bryan
Hope Hull United Methodist Church
Hope Hull, AL

"So, I guess we're all working for peanuts!"

"Let's see if that mega church in town can beat OUR vacation bible school!"

"Pastor, we like what you tell us about this Jesus guy, we have accepted Him in our heart as instructed by you ... what's next?"

Brendan Tan
Full Gospel Assembly
Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

I had something a little different in mind for youth sunday....

Corey Whittaker
Durham NC
Christ the King Moravian Church

"In an effort to be more relevant, Pastor Bill makes some unusual additions to the Sunday service."

or

"No, I don't swallow swords or anything like that."

or

"Jim, speechless, stared into the face of his long lost twin who had selected a line of work which mirrored his own in peculiar ways."

Nathanael Smith
Grace Brethren Church of Columbus
Columbus OH

As a representative of the search commitee I must tell you that, no matter the size of the crowd you draw, you would all be sharing one salary. It may not matter to you but it was a big deal to the dog and pony show we had last week.

"Sorry to dissapoint you, we're not looking to hire circus performers - yet."

-or-

Church planting pastor Ed says, "I see you've mistakenly come to the wrong facility. The circus is farther down the road."

-or-

"Yes, I'm sure you have some valuable things to say, but you need to straighten up your act before I let you get behind the pulpit."

-or-

Pastor Jim responds to the Board's complaint that there isn't enough humor in his messages: "So, what do you want, a circus act?"

I know i shouldn't get into the wine so early!