February 27, 2007
Crowded Loneliness & Quiet Contemplation
Our fractured lifestyles pose new challenges for small group ministries.
Sam O'Neal, our colleague at Christianity Today International and the managing editor of ministry resources, recently participated in the small groups conference at Saddleback Church. In this report, O'Neal shares insights from two presentations. One highlighted the challenge small groups face in our culture, and the other presents an ancient alternative.
Last week, I had the privilege of representing Building Small Groups at the first-ever Purpose Driven Small Groups conference, hosted by Saddleback Church in sunny Lake Forest, California. Because the Purpose Driven folks were running the show, I've returned home with a great deal of useful information, almost all of it nicely packaged into acronyms and "pathways."
But I was most impressed by two presentations that drifted outside the Purpose Driven model. Both of them picked up the gauntlet thrown down by noted church consultant Lyle E. Schaller, who said: "The biggest challenge facing the church is to address the fragmentation and discontinuity of the American lifestyle."
Early Tuesday morning, Randy Frazee spoke on the call to community. According to Frazee, the average American family manages 35 separate relationships on a day-to-day basis - children, extended family, neighbors, government, school, friends, work, Starbucks employees, landlords, telemarketers, etc. And this is before that family gets invited to church, which usually adds another 6 connections - at least.
As a result, Americans are knee-deep in the unprecedented phenomenon of grouped isolation - what Frazee refers to as "crowded loneliness." We are in desperate need of meaningful relationships, yet too busy and too pulled to maintain them.
Even worse, our attempts to relieve our sense of isolation often contribute to our fragmentation. We might join a small group, for example. We'll get in contact with 3 to 11 other dedicated Christians and commit to meet and study the Bible every week.
But what happens? Those 3 to 11 people become another chunk of relationships that we have to manage - relationships that require phone calls, polite questions on Sunday morning, and Christmas gifts. That weekly Bible study devolves into thirty minutes of preparation, thirty minutes in the car driving to and from the appointed house, thirty minutes of genial conversation, thirty minutes of discussion, thirty minutes of prayer, and thirty dollars to pay the babysitter. In other words, our attempts to forge meaningful relationships often add up being "just another thing to do."
Randy Frazee did such a good job of highlighting the problems facing American small groups, and the perfunctory way we engage them, that I began to recognize a few disquieting patterns in my own life. How often have I approached the Bible as just another book to read? How often have I looked at Jesus as just another morning conversation?
These questions helped pique my curiosity about a workshop I spotted on Wednesday afternoon. It was called "Be Still." The presenters for the workshop were Judge Reinhold and his wife, Amy. You may be familiar with Judge from his roles in movies like Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Beverly Hills Cop. He was also Aaron, the "close-talker" from Seinfeld. I just had to check out what he was going to say.
It turns out that he and his wife have produced a documentary on contemplative prayer with Scripture, otherwise known as lectio divina. The DVD, also called Be Still, features some of the most prominent Christian thinkers of our time - Dallas Willard, Calvin Miller, Beth Moore, Max Lucado, and Jerry Root, among others.
And yet, as much as I appreciated what each of those people had to say, what I found most valuable was taking the final 10 minutes to practice the discipline of lectio divina myself. The experience was very, very cool.
I alternated between listening to Matthew 11:28?30 (read by Richard Foster, no less) and sitting quietly for several minutes at a time, allowing the Holy Spirit to seep through the tangled clutter of my thoughts and nurture me with his Word. I was surprised at how natural the experience was - at how easily the words of Jesus settled into a place of prominence once I pushed everything else out of the way.
While Randy Frazee's talk helped me recognize the hectic and fractured reality of our lives, the Reinhold's workshop revealed an alternative way. In Amy Reinhold's words, we need to give ourselves "permission to stop." Permission to put everything else on hold and experience the presence, power, and direction of the Living God.
Posted by UrL Scaramanga on February 27, 2007
Comments
No doubt about it, I love to "be still." I am like the king of doing absolutely nothing. I "give myself permission" to do that every chance I get. I love those quiet moments with the Lord ... watching the sunrise or the wind on the water in my pond, hanging and napping in my hammock when my family goes camping.
But contemplative prayer? I contemplate (and also communicate) when I pray. But just how far does this practice delve into Eastern philosophy, mysticism, and meditative practices? Sounds just a bit yoo Yoga-ish for me. I'm all about "being still," but I have a few red flags that go up when "shifts of consciousness" come into play ... which is what a lot of the "contemplative prayer" web sites seem to talk about.
Just curious ... and cautious.
And I'm still a bit baffled as to how this really applies to small groups.
http://geoffbaggett.wordpress.com
Posted by: Geoff Baggett at February 27, 2007
Why does "mysticism and meditative practices" have to equate to "Eastern philosophy"? Yes, Eastern spirituality has contemplative and meditative components, some of which use the same vocabulary as Christian mystics/contemplatives, but meditation has a long history in the Christian tradition. I can only assume ignorance and cultural suspicion of anything similar to Eastern religions, since what you're describing (watching the sunrise, etc.) is a form of contemplative prayer. Read some Thomas Merton if you're curious.
As for small groups, lectio divina works very well. It's a way of absorbing Scripture with our hearts more than our minds, which is the way we tend to read the Bible. In the small group setting, after lectio divina, everyone can share their insights from a particular passage. And no, it's not just the usual "read and discuss" paradigm. It's a bit more like breathing in the Bible, and sharing what you found there.
Don't be afraid of mysticism. Some homework if you're interested:
Thomas Merton (anything)
St. John of the Cross
Brian McLaren's chapter on contemplation/charismatics from A Generous Orthodoxy
A helpful guide by Fr. Luke Dysinger at:
http://www.valyermo.com/ld-art.html
Posted by: Travis at February 28, 2007
Picking up on your comment about the fragmented nature of modern relationships and how this afftects small groups and fellowship in the church; it's important for us to remember that FRIENDLY churches don't grow. Churches will grow when they become places where people can find FRIENDSHIP. There is a significant difference.
Posted by: Wayne Field at February 28, 2007
Wow! Thank you, what a great reminder not to get caught up so much in our daily lives that we forget to live.
Posted by: Sarah at March 1, 2007
Great info regarding the Contemplative Tradition and how to apply it to small group settings comes from the Renovare group (see http://www.renovare.org/) as well of course from Richard Foster, especially his book "Streams of Living Water."
Regarding the so-called "dangers" of Eastern Meditation, as with any religious mystical practice (i.e. singing, praying, meeting as groups) the essential difference is what you are meditating upon.
Posted by: Jesse at March 1, 2007
sure meditation helps defrag the individual, but as i read i was under the impression that the post was going to be about how to defrag the communion.
just a bit disappointed. couldn't encouraging folks to meditate just be "one more thing" they have to do?
Posted by: mike at March 2, 2007
Matthew (11:28) Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. The remedy and Jesus's solution to this article is Himself!
Posted by: Jay Schnids at March 3, 2007
For me some parts of the various forms of lectio divina are OK, but seem to fall short. For now I find the most important part of being still for me is to focus on the knowing part of this scripture: Psa 46:10 Be still, and know that I [am] God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
Being still has some undisputed advantages; working on being still and knowing deep in my core that God is God is a whole different realm. For me reading 20-30 chapters in a single sitting of the Prophets anywhere from Isaiah to Malachi works very well to lift me out of my time-space into His view. Not so much for study, but to see that God is indeed working His plan. Some days I want to join in; others I just sit in awe. This process has been called "aqua abluto" per Eph 5:26.
Posted by: Don at March 6, 2007
My best small group experiences have been when we've done lectio divina together. Done right, LD gets you to the core of your deepest hopes and fears, longings and shadows, and when those can be shared in a trusting and prayerful environment, the Spirit moves in tremendously healing ways.
Posted by: Byron at March 6, 2007
I think you missed Randy's point by joining two unrelated seminars.
Contempletive prayer is not the answer to a disjointed life. We need to develop a new pattern or structure for life and for church.
Prayer alone may lead me to understanding how God wants me to change but I need to live differently so that my 35 relatioships (add 10 for a small group) are not so disjointed and shallow.
Posted by: Ray at March 6, 2007
Lectio has allowed me the time to rest and "re-focus" my life so I can manage those other relationships which are seceondary (but still very important)to my relationship with the Lord. I have taught it in a small group setting and have found that it does enrich the lives of those who practice it. When you meditate on "God things" there is no need to fear meditation. Of course, this should not be appraoched as "one more thing" we have to do but rather something we should be have been doing all along. More of Him, less of us.
Posted by: Bob at March 6, 2007
I wonder if the drive to do so much, and the attendant reluctance/inability to "be still" arises from a failure to accept the limits of (this) life. No matter how much we do, no matter how many fine and interesting people we engage, those activities and people are but an infinitesimal part of the possibilities available. At the end of our life here, meeting one more person or accomplishing one more goal will not matter. If we truly believed in life eternal, we would be able to let go of the need to do it all now.
Posted by: David at March 7, 2007
Thanks for this word. We all need more contemplative fellowship with God, I think.
Posted by: Mike Morrell at March 20, 2007
Good insights on small groups. Indeed. there is danger that they become "just another thing to do." There can be weeks where we have some group almost every night.
I have been exposed to Contemplative Prayer and I think there is something there. It's HARD to quiet ourselves and our thoughts and our agenda, but it is worthwhile as it helps us detach from the "other things" that we cling to for meaning and "attach" to the one and only thing that truly gives us meaning--God. The difference, as Foster points out, between contemplation/meditation in Eastern religions versus Christianity is that Eastern meditation seeks to empty the mind while Christian mediation seeks to empty the mind ... and then fill it with Christ.
Posted by: Alan at March 21, 2007