January 1, 2009
The Next BIG Things
Url Scaramanga’s five predictions for 2009.
I've been giving a lot of thought to the state of the church as we enter a new year. In these uncertain times we naturally look to reliable and wise voices to guide us through the fog. And who is more reliable and wise then yours truly? To help you plan ahead, I've compiled my list of the top five predictions to watch for in 2009.
The next BIG word: Post-Missional
There was a time when everything was "postmodern." Then we all "emerged." Now it's nearly impossible to find a ministry that isn't passionately "missional." But in 2009 I predict the truly innovative ministries will be "post-missional." No one will actually know what post-missional means but the word will become ubiquitous, finding its way into the subtitles of at least 34 percent of all ministry books published in 2009.
The next BIG outreach trend: The 30-Day Alcohol Challenge
A number of churches have gotten enormous attention for variations of the 30-Day Sex Challenge. These ministries have tried to attract the sexually charged unchurched by proclaiming that Christians have better sex and more of it. In this "more is more" philosophy of Christian liberty, I predict the next hot outreach trend will focus on alcohol as a way of deconstructing the church's teetotaling reputation. Pastors will challenge church member over 21 to drink everyday for a month - an expensive proposition for Lutherans who only drink imports.
The next BIG book: REVEAL 3: You Go, I'm Staying Right Here.
The Willow Creek Association published REVEAL: Where Are You? in 2007. Last year brought REVEAL 2: Follow Me. In 2009 I predict we'll see the publication of a third book in the series, REVEAL 3: You Go, I'm Staying Right Here. The new book will outline why changes to Willow's ministry strategy really aren't, and how it's more seeker-sensitive than ever.
The next BIG celebrity pastor: Rod Blagojevich
I predict that after the embattled, corrupt governor of Illinois is forcibly removed from office he will have a "come to Jesus" moment at the federal penitentiary. He will emerged with a new mission and one of the most marketable conversion stories since Stephen Baldwin. Because of his bountiful mane, Brother Blago, as he'll be known, will likely end up a televangelist.
The next BIG catch phrase: "Jesus is my bailout plan"
With the government issuing bailouts to banks, mortgage brokers, and the Big 3, I predict that the "bailout" language will quickly be adapted to Christian t-shirts and bumper stickers. Other possible phrases to be seen in '09: "My 401k is in Heaven," "Father, Son, and Holy Spirit: These Big 3 Don't Need a Bailout," and "SEC: Secured Eternally in Christ."
Posted by UrL Scaramanga on January 1, 2009
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Comments
That was amazing. Thanks.
Posted by: Dan Rose at December 30, 2008
The irony and/or humor is that all of these, except maybe "Brother Blago," could well happen. I hope that we don't get to "Jesus Is My Bailout Plan," but I wouldn't doubt that someone will use that.
Posted by: PastorM at December 31, 2008
Sadly, I'm sure those t-shirts are being printed as we speak...
Posted by: Adam at December 31, 2008
Please don't put ideas into Christian marketers' heads.
Posted by: Jon at December 31, 2008
Brother Blago will become a televangelist, and Ted Haggard will become governor of Illinois.
Posted by: Angie at December 31, 2008
Now THAT's funny.
Posted by: Sally at December 31, 2008
Brother Blago the evangelist - he has the hair for it!
Posted by: George at January 1, 2009
And where do women fit into this scheme?
Posted by: purfer at January 1, 2009
Love it - awesome!
Posted by: toddh at January 2, 2009
Is Scaramanga reliable and wise?
Posted by: Ron at January 2, 2009
I am Lutheran and I don't drink expensive liquor.
Posted by: Jeff at January 3, 2009
but I already drink every day....
Posted by: scottispottis at January 4, 2009
Brother Blago could combine two with a "swear everyday for 30 days" theme...
Really funny, and so close to true, really scary predictions--thanks!
Posted by: mike at January 5, 2009
OMGosh, Nostradamus lives! We just left/stopped going to a super-seeker-megea-church, pushing missional work that typically employs big personalities with big hair..this could all happen in my own Ohio back yard..my husband thought the alcohol thing was real and wanted the sign up sheet and a tee shirt!! (4 kids, self employed..lost 401K and I'm a fallen Lutheran!)Great stuff..made our day
Posted by: Christin Hardy at January 6, 2009
This article is certainly, and sadly, a fairly accurate prediction of things to come. Either "post-missional" or "post-emergent" is well on its way, I'd say. And I have to agree with Jon: DON'T PUT THESE IDEAS INTO CHRISTIAN MARKETER'S HEADS! I guarantee you if they see this, all four of those slogans will be on bumper stickers in a heartbeat.
Posted by: Patrick Gann at January 7, 2009
It makes me weep to know how true this will prove to be.
Posted by: Scott at January 9, 2009
Gosh......forgive me, I do not find much humor in this statement, or a curiousity of future hopes when presently working within in the financial insitutions; and justly seeing how desperately individuals/families are srtiving to stay alive this recession - its almost gastly to witness accounts daily of the poverty right amidst our eyes-no money it seems, job losses rising as well....eternal and hopes , yes. Reality than sets in until Jesus second coming......Truth rather instead. Prayers for the financially burden and the poor alike; and the homeless rising in our midst drastically among our fellow men/women, and families without a choice even.
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