"And as our pastor, you'll be expected to be in all three places at any moment's notice..."

Robert Martin
Bally Mennonite Church
Bally, Pennsylvania

And here's the staff offices that will be transformed for Student Ministries!

Matt Rittgers
Prairie Lakes Church
Cedar Falls, IA

"and then we'll get around to the people!"

Luke Healy
Ichthus
Manhattan, Kansas

When Bro. Phil asked about the plans for the pastor's office, the architect kept saying, "Now you see it, now you don't!"

Even our new restroom facilities are biblical. See? Here are the first, second, and third john.

And even with the breathless presentation the three phase expansion program seemed to somehow fall short of Jesus' command to build his Church.

Pastor Joe was still uncomfortable with the "Holy of Holies" addition only being accessible at the "Platinum Donor" level.

Pastor Jones considers what the salesperson is not telling him about 'capital campaigns.'

Pastor Jones realizes that he needs more renovation than the church building.

If you act now, you will also be entered into our Dream Church sweepstakes!

Pastor Jones is not thrilled that his study is to become the new nursery.

Pastor Bill wasn't impressed by Bob's administrative gifts so much as by the spiritual gift of multiple arms.

John Meche
Vintage Church
New Orleans, LA

"So if we sell all of this, we can give me a huge raise and hire people to do all of the pastor-type things!"

Given the rising unemployment and number of people losing their homes, we believe it would be more sensitive to delay the digital cafe, teen amusement center, and indoor waterfall until phase two.

"... and we'll try out a new seeker-sensitive approach here, at the Song of Solomon room."

"Okay, really, everything is staying the same except for these three rooms which are set aside for next year's SuperBowl parties"

Robert Martin
Bally Mennonite Church
Bally, Pennsylvania

Despite initial enthusiasm for the Old Testament temple motif, he wondered how the builder's enthusiasm for animal sacrifices would be received...

With giving down, remove this, this, and this and we might be able to afford to keep the land. Do we still have the camp meeting tents?

Why didn't they teach me this in seminary?

Dan Hinz
River Valley Community Church
Rockford, IL

The fancy pointer is just a distraction. When it comes to building campaigns, always watch the hand in the pocket.

and because of these three changes, you are over budget by only 1.5 mil

The ATM tithe machines will be located here, here and here.

We converted the church into a bank to get the stimulus. Bonuses will go to the youth pastor, elder John and the organist ministry.

R. Tinsley
Oxford Circle Mennonite Church
Phila, PA

"Here we have the attractional ministry centre, then we have the incarnational ministry training centre, and finally, over here we have the missional third place. Any questions?"

We've been wrong about our plans. We're scrapping the project and giving the money to the poor.

John Santic
Southside Community Church
Surrey, BC

Meat eaters here, vegetarians here, true vegans here.

In times like these it pays to diversify.

This wing is for our Mega-Church...

This wing is for our Missional Church...

And this wing is for our New Monastics.

T.Rice
Glad Tidings Church
Dunn, NC

"And then, of course, every pastor needs an escape route..."

"We lower ourselves through the roof here, and then break into the vault here. Serves them right anyway for turning down our renovation loan request..."

"The Worship Pastor's office will be located here!"

"Wait....that's to close to mine, what about here...?"

"What about the basement, here?"

Pastor Jones, we have some bad news and some good news. The good news is we are renovating the church. The bad news is moving your office three times during the process.

To add one stage microphone all we have to do is get a new sound board, which will require expanding the sound booth, which will push into the lobby, which will be rebuilt on the east side, which will...

so do you know understand a little more about the Trinity?

"Pastor, we've incorporated three possible escape routes in the new design for when the Board comes looking for you."

I know that this means tremendous budget cutbacks in Administration but think how impressive this will make our church look

Everybody loves coffee! I love coffee, don't you love coffee? We'll have a cafe here, here and here...just think, caffeine on demand!

Matt Madison
Phoenix, AZ

This is where the Facebook and Twitter terminals will be placed.

...so as you can see, Pastor Bob, the board decided to start here..here..here to place t.v. screens for viewing the sermons live since we are overflowing. This cuts down on ANY construction work.

"It is biblical - Matthew 17:4 'Let's build three sanctuaries."

I promise you no one will be inconvenienced!

You see, we won't need any of these if we just plant 3 new churches.

To save on construction costs, we will use the bricks from buildings A & B for building C. But, because of the worship schedule, buildings A & B can not be torn down until building C is finished.

Wesley Samsel
LifePoint Church
7733 Hillcrest Ave.
Harrisburg, PA 17112

To pay for this renovation, we will have multiple ushers located in each of these three areas to pass the collection plate.
First Baptist of Cambridge Springs

For comfort purposes we've divided the church ministries by decibel intensity. In the smaller area we have the highest decibel intensity with crying babies, in the middle area noisy teenagers and in the sanctuary the quieter snoring elders.

Wesley Harris
Spring Hill Calvary Church of the Nazarene
Spring Hill, Florida

...but pastor, think about how much more effective Jesus would have been with wifi...

"...And each one of your family members will have their own building drop off site, then you go park the car."

Can we afford to do all 3 at this time of credit crunch

Prab Raniga
Great Ashby Community Church
Stevenage UK

"Oh yes pastor, your study is going to be here, no here, no here , er ..... "

Ken O'Reilly
Ulverstone Baptist Church
Tasmanina (Aust)

The women want their class near the bathroom and the youth want their class near the kitchen. The nursery needs to be near the mom's class and the men said whatever room is convenient for their class.

"One...two...three....Opps...Still recall how many times Moses struck the rock to get water?"

"...and to pay for this, it's gonna take a sneaky little move. We're gonna have a color commentator 'call' the collection each Sunday...'and here comes the plate down pew number #3, oh, it looks like Mr. Johnson is pulling out a one dollar bill (boo hiss), wait, he's starting to dig deeper, it looks like a Benjamin...that's more like it(hooray! yeah!...the crowd goes wild).'"

bobby weaver
Forest Park United Methodist Church
Panama City, Florida

Pastor, these are the three areas in which we expect you to practice servant leadership: 1) leading worship in the sanctuary; 2) teaching Sunday School; and 3) cleaning the toilets.