Looks like we'll have to cancel vacation again this year, sweetheart!

BINGO!

Christy Leake
FBC Crawfordsville
Crawfordsville, AR

Sorry Hon, this week's out. How about dinner a week from Tuesday?

"I know we're not saved by works, but I'd sure like to be saved from them."

We had to create a 10-day week to fit all the children's programming into the schedule.

(Red Mountain Community Church, Mesa, AZ)

"What ever happened to 'My burden is easy and my yoke is light'?"

"You should see Martha's calendar."

"Remember that little church we left because they didn't offer enough programs?"

"Look...Pastor Jones is teaching a class on simplicity."

"They've changed the title. It used to say, 'God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your month.'"

"The pastor is right...we definitely need a bigger building."

"The best part is they've already scheduled the church conflicts."

"And you said this church didn't believe in purgatory."

"I came to Christ two years ago and haven't seen my family since."

"I told you that ATM in the lobby was a bad sign."

"They say if you stare at it long enough, the face of Jesus appears."

"

Is this what we call "vision"?

(Church of the Redeemer; Highland Park, IL)

Our philosophy of ministry: if you can't make 'em good, keep 'em busy.

Paul Pell
Upland, IN

Busyness is next to godliness.

The Devil never takes a day off, either.

Jarrod James
One Community Church
Silverthorne, CO

All the boxes? Our church operates on a 10-day work week...

The Broncos called. They want their play chart back.

You want to go to Ryan's Buffet?

Michael Carpenter
Matthew's Table
Lebanon TN

I still see at least five days that aren't filled up. What if Jesus comes back on one of those days and finds us NOT busy?!

Jon Limmer
Riverside Community Church
Peterborough, ON

Look, there's just no time for the Second Coming this year. You're going to have to tell God He has to wait until next year.

Brian Bergman
Sunset Church of Christ
Miami, FL

Actually, if you look at it cross-eyed, you see a picture of Jesus on the cross.

Robert Martin
Bally Mennonite Church
Bally, PA

"I think if we move worship to every third Sunday, we just might be able to fit the new committee onto the calendar so they can talk about scheduling all our leadership committees."

We make time for Jesus on the 9th day of the 6th week.

"Patty, we cannot double book the Fellowship Hall again with the Women's Jazzercise Class and the Men's 'Wild At Heart' book study. Last time everyone left very confused."

Good thing we read "Simple Church!"

This stuff really gets you close to those we don't need to get close with.

So when do we plan the fish fry and choir practice?

"Beatrice, we're simply going to have to cancel the ladies tea. The Men's Breakfast remains."

Jason Garwood
Crossroads Bible Church
Huntingdon Valley, PA

Yep, we are gonna have to push back our task to "go and make disciples" to next month . . . again.

D. Scott Miller
Archdiocese of Baltimore
Baltimore, MD

No no no, you go down the chutes and up the ladders!

"Ever notice how our 'Night of Repentance' always follows the Congregational Meetings?"

"Sorry Mrs. Brown, I can't do your husbands funeral this month... and by the looks of things, you should probably book yours well in advance."

"I've worked it out: Our daughter will be on the Renovation Committee, you join the Worship Group, I'll be on the Pastoral Search Team , and we'll have this place whipped into shape by next November."

Srry... forgot info:

"Ever notice how our 'Night of Repentance' always follows the Congregational Meetings?"

"Sorry Mrs. Brown, I can't do your husbands funeral this month... and by the looks of things, you should probably book yours well in advance."

"I've worked it out: Our daughter will be on the Renovation Committee, you join the Worship Group, I'll be on the Pastoral Search Team , and we'll have this place whipped into shape by next November."

Pastor Al Descheneau
Nepean Baptist Church
Ottawa, ON
www.nepeanbaptist.ca

"God's work was done in 7 days,how come ours isn't done for 70 years?"

Pentecostal Sermons

"I changed my mind. I'm not doing any of this stuff."

Guess we won't invite the new neighbors over for dinner after all.

- This sounded simpler when it was coming from the burning bush

- I guess this is what they meant by "eternal life". It will take that long to finish this!

"Do you see Christianity 901?"

Looks like we'll have to postpone Pastor's Appreciation Sunday to next year.

"Space is limited, so we charge $3 per square."

Grace Chapel
Farmington Hills, MI

Love my neighbor? Sorry-too busy. Maybe next month.

Love my neighbor? Sorry - too busy. Maybe next month.

Colleen Foshee
Gateway Church
Southlake TX

Berell, Get the GPS, every events in the community! We wont be back till next Sunday, gota' love this new Pastor!

"Well that settles it...we are now officially 'busier than God.'"

Bill Dempsey
Family Bible Church
Highland, IL

"Who'da thought the budget cut pool would have been such a money maker?"

Bill Dempsey
Family Bible Church
Highland, IL

Oh, look Martha! They even have a small group for people in recovery from over-commitment.

This is nothing. You ought to see the budget.

Let's see. It says the Steelers play at 11:00, and the sermon is going to be on tithing. Looks like we're going to "Bedside Baptist" next week.

Nathan Harper
WJSBC
Tupelo, MS

"So when do I sneeze?"

"I think instead of saying 'committee', we should pronounce it 'come-hit-me'.

"Got a match?"

Jerry Varner
Southside Church of the Nazarene
Chesterfield, VA

"And that's just the program that help people to understand the importance of making time for their neighbors."

"I see here that there is nothing scheduled on Tuesday, March 15th from 10am to noon. Perhaps we could start a Committee to Address Holes in the Church Calendar that could meet then..."

Greg Stump
Redeemer Church
La Mirada, CA

"You asked me to develop the schedule. Now all you need to do is pray for three more days per week and double the church staff by next Tuesday. "
---
"Great calendar Martha, but.... you forgot Sunday Services?"
---
"What do you mean I should have created a "soft copy"? This is the only paper we have.
---
Mike McCuan, Central Christian Church, San Jose. Ca.

This is nothing, you should see the bulletins!

What we lack in size we make up in volume!

I understand why God rested on the seventh day now!

Just what we need, one more committee!

Remember next time to use pencil, it's a whole lot easier to erase!

Look!Our names are on all of these,I knew one of us should have stayed home on our vacation!

Good thing it's a slow month!

"Now, Honey, do you really think that's appropriate language for a pastor's wife to use?"

(Pleasant Hill Adventist Church)