Most everything in here assumed that the single pastor was a man. Did you look into how single female pastors were received?

Mark

You ask - “Must pastors be married?
First Timothy 3.2 says, “Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife” (NIV). Does this verse imply that pastors must be married?”

1 - Seems in 1 Tim 3 Paul lists qualifcations for “elder/overseer.”
IMO - This verse doesn’t imply anything about today’s “Pastors.”

How do you go from “elder/overseer” to the “Title” Pastor/Reverend?”
Where, in the Bible, does it say “elder/overseer” is really the “Pastor?”
When many in today’s “Religious System” are “elders” but NOT “Pastors?”

2 - If, 1 Tim 3:2, is about an “elder/overseer” being married,
“faithful to his wife” or “the husband of one wife”or “a one woman man”

I would hope he has to be married,
becuse he has to have his children, and his household ruled well. ;-)

1Tim 3:4-5 KJV
One that ruleth well his own house,
having his children in subjection with all gravity;
(For if a man know not how to rule his own house,
how shall he take care of the church of God?)

When you look at ALL the qualifications it seems the “elder/overseer” is
married, with children, who also have to meet some tough qualifications.

Why does Paul give qualifications if not important?
Which qualifications can we overlook?

Perhaps this excerpt might help. It's from the Word Biblical Commentary on I Timothy by noted New Testament Greek scholar William Mounce:

"The list is not a checklist requiring, for example, that all church leaders be married and have more than one child. Paul and Timothy were not married, nor did they have families (as far as we know), so neither of them could be a “one-woman” man or manage his household well. It seems doubtful that Paul would be telling Timothy that both of them were unqualified for church leadership...Such a rigid application of the list would also contradict Paul’s preference for celibacy (1 Cor 7:7, 26–38). The ad hoc nature of the list, rather, suggests that Paul is thinking that these are the types of qualities an overseer should have. Some of the qualities would by definition apply to all candidates: above reproach, hospitable, skilled teacher, etc. Other qualities would depend on their life situations. If an overseer was married, he would have to be a “one-woman” man. If he had a family, he would have to manage the family well."

If I say on a public news program that "Christians should make good fathers and loving husbands, gracious neighbors, and loyal friends" I do not mean to imply that one has to be a father and a husband in order to be a Christian. It is a general statement in a public forum. Paul is making a general list as a general guideline to follow.

When I sign for a car loan and there is one line for my signature and one for "spouse" signature, it does not mean that I am unqualified for a car loan simply because I don't have a spouse to sign where it says "spouse". It is a generalized, standardized, form. Paul's list is also a generalized, standardized form.

To say that someone can't be an elder because they are married but only have one child (rather than "children") would be to miss the spirit and intent of the generalized list.

Jane:
I struggled with the pronouns that I used. I ultimately decided to write the article out of my subjective experience, so that comments like "What if he's gay?" were the actual comments that I heard given that I am male.

In answer to your question, "Did I look into how single female pastors were received?" No, I have not investigated that question in any systematic way. My only experience is in conversing with other single female pastors, and that they do experience very similar types of prejudice that I talk about in both articles (indeed if not twice as much prejudice being both female and single!)

Good posts Mark - thanks for writing them. Lord bless you -

The reason churches prefer married pastors is that they get "two for the price of one," expecting the pastor's spouse to assume some form of leadership responsibility: music, leading Bible study, helping with kids, whatever.

A single pastor doesn't have that.

It's not right, but it's real.

Mark, thanks for your response. As one studying for ministry, and looking like I will be single, it's something I've thought a lot about and it concerns me. Thanks for your articles.

A big reason we are anti-singles is residual hatred for anything Catholic. Let us stop sugar coating it and deal with our biases.

Jon:

You make a very good point. There definitely seems to be anti-catholic bias lingering in our Protestant churches.

For the most part it seems to be unconscious, but the National Presbyterian Church of Mexico, for instance, will not ordain singles to the ministry. Given that Mexico is mainly a Roman Catholic country, it would seem from the outside looking in, that their refusal to ordain singles stems in part from wanting to distinguish themselves from their Roman Catholic counterparts.

I agree with you that we need to reflect on this unconscious anti-catholic bias. The reformation was just that: a reforming of the Roman Catholic church, not a complete dismissal of it.

Excellent follow up from your first article. Your first article set forth a problem and this article seeks ways to overcome it. This would be an excellent response in a job interview contending with this Single Pastor question.

Churches don't want single pasors because they would have to inquire through the interview process whether he (assuming a male) deals with his sexual needs in the same manner as he would counsel single men in the church. It's an extremely difficult issue which is avoided if the pastor is married.

Larry:

You might be right (hard to say), but how is "it" avoided if the pastor is married? I would hope that a pastoral search committee would ask a married pastor, "Are you sexually faithful to your wife?" as part of the process. I would hope that a pastoral search team interviewing a single pastoral candidate would ask, "Are you celibate in your singleness?" That is a fair question to ask, because the single pastor should most definitely model celibacy in singleness, just as the married pastor should model sexual fidelity to his/her spouse.

Both questions are squeemish and awkward to ask someone you barely know, but they should be asked. I actually just had a conversation with a pastor who interviewed me when I was going through church planting orientation. He asked me if I was "sexually active". It was awkward, but I appreciated his commitment to biblical sexuality. I said "no" and we moved on. Later, he made sure that I understood that he also asks married pastors going through church planting orientation if they are sexually faithful to their wives AND if their intimacy with their wives is at a healthy place....so, in that scenario, it is actually more awkward/difficult to walk through the sexual needs issue with a married pastor.

But, your point is taken, as I would imagine that search teams in general are reticent to talk anything sexual with any candidate whether married or single.

"I would hope that a pastoral search committee would ask a married pastor, "Are you sexually faithful to your wife?" as part of the process. I would hope that a pastoral search team interviewing a single pastoral candidate would ask, "Are you celibate in your singleness?""

I can't help but think what an HR rep would think about these questions being asked in an interview because in the real world...those questions are illegal, and puts the company in a assailable and untenable legal bind opened to arbitration if not lawsuit.
The church certainly does operate in it's own little world.

Sheer
Yuk, yuk...
Can you imagine if they asked are you gay, bi, or transgender?

In my opinion, the problem of predispositions about single pastors and every other predisposition regarding hiring pastors flows not from fear, as suggested, but from a whole set of predispositions and assumptions that are part of the whole package and human baggage of institutionalized forms of church where it is demanded that someone (an expert who is a stranger) needs to be hired for a community of saints to grow and bear fruit. The alleged "fear" of singleness will not be solved. Many other "fears" in this process will be added on as society becomes more corrupt with evil behaviors being called normal. It's all part of a tragic package deal that produces some false goodies for clergy and laity in this division. Only on the grace of God will anyone examine the package and throw out the bogus justifications for it. The grace of God is working sloooowly. Let us allow these sad symptoms point us to the real cure, not just a band-aid.

Never would have thought so until the economic crisis broke, and I had to find a new pastoral position.

So many are concerned about the single pastors. All the scandals I hear about come from the marrieds who end up having affairs. Male pastors cheating on their wives, with other women. Or other men. Maybe it's just me but I'm not really all that worried about single men seeking out a pastoral role.

As a Roman Catholic, I've received absolutely EXCELLENT advice on marriage and sexual matters from celibate priests. Likewise, JPII's writtings on human sexuality are the epitome of practical insightfulness.

The only minister I've known personally who molested any children (boys) was a married man and father of two sons. Not to assume that a married person would be more likely to molest children, but I think that people who have those temptations probably try to fit into whatever is deemed acceptable by their society and so may hide behind marriage. So while unmarried priests are certainly guilty of this, so are married coaches and ministers.

The evangelical church really needs to examine their prejudices against all singles in their midst though. If singles make up 52% of the population, what will that say about the churches in the future if they don't address the needs now? And how can churches work to strengthen marriage if they only concern themselves with people who are married right now? Wouldn't it make sense to guide people who are looking to marry as well? Churches spend lots of time on their teens but once the kid grows up, he's virtually on his own unless he marries.

As a 39 year old single, I've been burned a lot with assumptions the church makes about me. Women don't get the gay comment so much but there are a lot of assumptions about my spiritual maturity and what I do with my free time - mostly I'm home by myself in case anyone is wondering. Being a single Christian can be a very lonely existance but I'm just told that I don't have any real life problems because I don't have what I want which is a family.

I'm getting to the point where as active as I am in the church, I still don't feel completely welcome and I'm not sure how I'd feel if I'm welcomed fully into the body only after I marry. I feel more valued and understood at my job among the secular and religious married people there to be completely honest.

I kind of want to reiterate my last point. I'm surrounded by married people both at work and church, but it is the people at work who exibit the understanding that I wish I would receive from the church.

I live in a very expensive city and while I'm constantly told some version of "you have no problems because you're single" from the church - whether I'm actually complaining or not - my colleagues at work are more likely to say something like "I really admire what you've been able to achieve on your own because I couldn't do it." Or from a boss who knows how little I actually make, I receive advice on how to manage my career as a single who doesn't have her husband's salary to fall back on. To the church, I'm just another career woman who is too picky or thinks she doesn't need a man.

You could always try missions! Thats a great place to try out, since you don't have to worry about family. Maybe God wants you to step out of your comfort zone.

Whatever you go for, wish you success.

You're facing only the tiniest percentage of discrimination that organized religions constantly levee against homosexuals and other minorities, and you can't even handle that.

My advice for you will be " do not get married because of the pressure u feel from outside".God has a plan for your life and maybe u can be more than a pastor . It is easier for a single person to serve God. Just trust him and serve him wholeheartedly with passion and desire & he will fulfill the oher needs. With him we have more than enough!

There are a few historic liberal denominations that could and would use your gifts. You may have to rethink your theology though. Liberal denominations are open to all, single pastors, glbt communities, women etc. This may be a good time for discernment around your denominations use of scripture. You may just have to leave your denominantion and seek greener and more gracious pastures.

The irony of this is that Mark's denomination is one of the less rigid, line-drawing communities in evangelical-dom. It shows you how pervasive these cultural requirements are. But I would also add that, with so many marriages struggling and marriage itself being questioned as a societal "good," that having a faithfully married senior pastor (less true of staff) can send a positive message. And don't underemphasize the "relatability factor." In the majority of evangelical churches, adults tend to be married and can better connect with a pastor whose life is somewhat like theirs.

When our church was looking for a young adult pastor last year, this conversation came up within the search committee. We ultimately decided we wanted a married pastor for two reasons:

1. Marriage counseling is a huge role for the young adult pastor, because so many of the members get married in this period of life. We decided that a married man would have more insight into this area of life.

2. We wanted a pastor who the single women could approach for pastoral counsel without the barrier of attraction or thinking "I wonder if he likes me or if I like him."

There were married and single folks on the search committee, and the consensus was that we needed a married man for the job, especially for someone to pastor this age group. I'm a single woman who was on the committee, and I agreed 100% with the decision that was made.

I don't think marriage is a necessity for all pastors - I'd be happy for our church to hire a single pastor for any other demographic within the church.

The fame you enjoy from the New York Times article will be over shadowed by the continued mocking of Christianity by the readers of the Nits. This will be just another reason why Jesus is a failure to them. There are a lot of good men wanting to be pastors, blaming organized religion is short sighted. If you did not intend for them to use use you in such a way, then your education and wits are lacking. We should be smarter and more energized than non-believers because we have the Holy Spirit, prophecy prayer encouragement and Jesus.

This logic is ancient and incorrect. Maybe there are gay pastors in the church louring women and other men because they don't feel accepted as they are. Some pastors put on the biggest facade when they are in the pulpit because their lives don't reflect the bible they reference. Why should a Godly and righteous man be overlooked simply because he is single? Because people have fears. If a Pr cannot be monogomous, they should not be married.

This logic is ancient and incorrect. Maybe there are pastors in the church louring women and other men because they don't feel accepted for who they are. Some pastors put on the biggest facade when they are in the pulpit because their lives don't reflect the bible they reference. Why should a Godly and righteous man be overlooked simply because he is single? Because people have fears. Since when does the bible indicate that Christians should be ruded or guided by fears? What is behind fear? A spirit. God has not given us a spirit of fear! When people are ruled by fear, they tend to get exactly what they are afraid of. It's like a magnet, but so is faith. Faith in God that he will send the right person for the position and not putting Him in a box by limiting His choices for who He desires in a Pr is what is needed. He alone knows the heart of man. Who knows maybe the single Pr wife will be in the congregation he leads. Having a love for people and asking God for His direction is the key.
If a Pr cannot be monogomous, they should not be married. Only an insecure person would marry just to suit others view of himself and only a selfish person would stay married and have an affair to maintain the acceptable "Christian" facade.

Just come to nevada we have need and we have single pastors!!! and we have women pastors. Nevada is always forgotten because it is sin city, we don't want Religion here that is man made rules we want people who believe the whole Bible and teach from that So give it a try ;)

Read the article about you in New York Times. The first thing I thought of was Paul's advice that single people should maybe stay single when possible. Therefore, the problems you've faced seem unfair.

I don't know your opinion of military service, but I believe if you have at least 2 years of full time pastoral experience, you could be eligible to be a military chaplain. Something to think about. As a chaplain, you would not bear arms, though you could wind up in some dangerous situations and you WILL face some very trying times (when someone is near death, guess who gets calle?) The pay as an officer is good, and let's just say the military does not exactly require you to have a wife, given all the deployments and training time away from home. Indeed, there's an old joke, "If we wanted you to have wife, we'd have issued you one!" (Dedicated military wives put up with it, of course.)

Jesus was single. So, it seems, were the apostles. Good grief!

Don't confuse pastor with preacher. A pastor must be married, a preacher doesn't.

Jesus is deity. The apostles were directly inspired. Qualifications for elders or{pastors} are scriptural. Preachers just preach.

Hope you find your way Rev. Almlie. As others have noted, you're getting just a minor short-term taste of what women and gay people face every day (and have been facing for centuries).

FWIW, WWJD? may be more relevant than ever. I sincerely doubt He would be interested in serving at the temples of the money changers (mega churches & their megalamaniac egoists or brushing elbows w/ the dollar/politics worshiping hypocrites, nor those who wish to become such as these). I have no doubt He'd be serving among 'the least of these.'

Note to Carol: not all Biblical scholars agree definitively that Jesus was single or celibate for that matter.

If you think being a single male is difficult, try being divorced and female. We are doubly suspect. As for getting involved with parishioners, it is NEVER a good idea to date anyone in the parish. A parishioner does not have the power that the pastor has, so it is never a truly equal relationship. I do a lot of work with clergy sexual ethics, and the vast majority of situations seen in protestant churches is where a married male pastor gets involved romantically/sexually with a married female parishioner.

This is exactly why I left the church so many decades ago. So much discrimination, hypocrisy, and baggage. Mr. Almlie would be better off forming his own ministry and establish a church where ALL people are accepted in a nondiscriminatory way.

The following personal illustration shows our human tendency to attribute incorrectly, as well as to identify with those we perceive as similar to us...

In a small group my wife and I were part of, two new couples joined. The leader asked that we focus on getting to know the younger of the two families, because "they are your AGE."

We subsequently learned that the younger couple was 10 years our junior, while the older couple was 3 years our junior. We were about 5 years younger than the leaders.

Upon reflection, we realized that not having kids made us seem much younger and "disqualified" us (in the minds of the leader) from relating to the older of the two couples, as they had two children. The couple that was a decade younger than us had no children.

From our perspective, we enjoyed getting to know both couples. In general, we have friends and family of all different ages and stages. It seems that many, including our leaders, feel most comfortable with people "like themselves," and draw false conclusions about people who are at a different life stage from them (i.e. - our age).

The point of singles having limited ability to counsel married couples and families is well taken, but let's be fair and admit that pastors and lay people who marry very young, usually under the protection of their parents, have similarly little idea of the challenges that single adults face. Even more so perhaps because singles acknowledge they don't have that experience whereas a lot of married people in the church won't. All people face real life, albeit, different challenges regardless of their station in life. It is possible for a person to grow and mature as an adult without the benefit of a spouse. Those who marry while still in or right after school often have no concept of what single adulthood looks like beyond the age of 22. We're still freewheeling kids to them. It's insulting, but it also gives them permission to ignore our needs. The lack of single pastors only reflects this attitude.

Thanks Mark for a really interesting article. I'm a single young man in seminary in the UK preparing for pastoral ministry in an evangelical Anglican context, and this is something that has come up a few times at college. Several of my friends who are single men in their final year looking for pastorates have admitted that their singleness has been a factor in their inability to find openings, and has caused some awkward questions. From my own experience, I was grilled several times during my denomination's selection process about my singleness, with a clear implication in several interviews that there was either something wrong with me, or that I would be a liability to my future church as I would always be fending off "cassock chasers", or worse, getting involved with them...

Whilst I don't think marital status is defining for the pastorate (Jesus and Paul and many others are testimony to that), I think there is a legitimate point to make that the calling to celibacy for ministry is pretty rare, and God's plan for most people includes marriage. In a Western culture where a lot of individuals (especially men) are refusing to grow up and take on the responsibilities of life, of which marriage is often one, I think there are valid questions to be asked about someone who doesn't appear to be making an effort to get married, and whether there are deeper character issues that are behind this, and in a position of responsibilty like the pastorate, those issues are important. That said, there are plenty of immature married men around with equally serious character defects that raise questions about their suitability for the pastorate.

In reality, I suspect it is more likely to be one or more of three fears: he's gay, we haven't got a wife to run mothers' groups/ bake sale etc, or he can't do marital counselling. In my experience, the minister's wife is definitely seen as an unpaid member of staff, and it's very hard to wean churches away from that.

FWIW I'm currently dating a lovely girl in my church who I'm sure would make a great minister's wife (as several people have told me!), but if we end up married, it certainly won't be to further my career!

"Especially the fear of human sexuality/desire."
Mr. Almie, you lament the evils of prejudice but I have to ask, do you fear those who have a different sexuality?

I think the article and some of these comments are valid when describing Christians in general, but when we are talking about being a pastor, then there are altogether different requirements that includes living a life that is "above reproach."

You wrote,

"Albert Mohler (President of the Southern Baptist Seminary) recently wrote: “From Genesis to Revelation, the Bible assumes that marriage is normative for human beings.”1 The Bible makes no such assumption. In 1 Corinthians 7, for instance, Paul argues that both marriage and singleness are normative for Christians."

You are right that Paul is speaking of both married and unmarried Christians in 1 Corin. 7, but he is not addressing the qualifications for pastors here, where he does explicitly in 1 Tim 3. I think that is extremely important to acknowledge.

As one who is in the process of entering the ministry, I personally knew and acknowledged where I struggled with specific sin and temptation. Namely, I have never met a single man who has not dabbled into pornography a certain percentage of his life. As a married man, that particular temptation has been reduced dramatatically( although not completely).

Honestly speaking, unless you are a eunuch, then lust will be something you will struggle with for the rest of you life. Yes, both married and single Christian men will struggle with this, but single men will logically have more (all other things being equal).

Perhaps the most important practical reason that 97% of protestant evangelical pastors are married is that it is part of how a man proves his leadership ability and seems to be the "norm" by what scripture teaches and by what we see today (e.g, I've never met a single senior pastor). That is why Paul addressed these issues. It was something that came up then, so God divinely inspired him to write it down for when it comes up now. This is also what Al Mohler was talking about. He wasn't talking about what the norm is for Christians, but for pastors.

Finally, I believe in the absolute sovereignty of God in all things. Meaning, if it is God's will that you be married, then you will be. However, if you desire to be in public ministry, then biblical wisdom would say that you should be desiring marriage just as much.

You need to how to bear witness with someone who changes poopy diapers all day and the dude who doesn't know why his wife doesn't love him anymore. I will be bold enough to say that, a single person cannot counsel a married person with marriage issues.

Its like having never played football and trying to help a professional (maybe not pro) football player with his game. Get out of here.

On a different but similar subject I too have experienced discrimination in other ways than listed by the author. After being unemployed for over five months and having applied to nearly eighty churches across many denominations I am convinced that there is much discrimination being exercised in America that goes far beyond marital status. Here are a few that I have encountered: a) age related discrimination b) denominational affiliation discrimination c) image discrimination.

For instance, your chances of getting noticed in large progressive churches increase dramatically if you are young and under 40. I actually had a Christian consulting agency tell me this. Denominational discrimination is a result of churches avoiding altogether any potential theological conflicts or differences between them and the candidate, so they avoid candidates that may not reflect their values and theological views even though they may have no proof to the contrary other than the denominations you have been affiliated with. So, due to the desire to avoid a conversation about such matters, their avoidance is based solely upon the denominational affiliation of the candidate alone listed on their resume. Image discrimination refers to the candidates fashion style and overall look including size. The same Christian consultant company told me that churches today are into branding themselves and worship leaders and pastors especially need to reflect the brand which means that the candidates style is as important than substance.

After being in ministry for over 20 years and engaged in a lengthy job search for the first time in my life it has been a very disheartening process, especially to discover that there are so many obstacles in front of the candidate in the form of discrimination. However, I'm afraid the concern is very likely to be of no effect based on my experience. Churches are not motivated to behave any differently because all denominations have their own interests and ways of doing things and religious organizations are not obligated to adhere to the same discrimination laws as in secular society.

(As a clarification, these observations are particularly true of progressive large/mega churches all over America (1500+).)

Mark, I am so glad a male pastor is raising awareness on this awful issue. The prejudice against singles in evangelical churches is breathtaking. I have been writing about this for 20 years in various books; mostly recently in the 5th chapter of my 2008 book "Quitting Church." I've been quite amused by some of the above comments that assume that singles are raging sex-o-maniacs. If I've been hit on by anyone at church, it's been the married men! Anyway, singles are leaving church in droves. You think it's bad being a single in church; try adopting as a single parent. The condemnation is something else.

It is unfortunate that a person with your talents and many abilities is still unemployed...and unmarried. In Genesis 9:1 the Lord commanded Noah and his descendants to be fruitful and multiply. Can we condemn congregations dominated by families from preferring a pastor who honors that commandment?

Mark,

I feel for you. I've seen the difference as I have searched for ministry positions both as a single person and as a married person (with a really cute family portrait - I think they got me some jobs).
I live in Petaluma too. Are you still in town. Contact me. Let's network. I'd like to invite you to our Petaluma pastors group - http://www.cityministries.org

Blessings.